5 Unwritten Montrose Colorado Rules

Montrose, Colorado can be a strange place to out-of-towners, sometimes. When you come here for the first time, you could potentially get hit by a bit of culture shock. I can honestly say, Montrose is unlike any other place I've been in the US, and that covers quite a bit of ground.

I know when I moved out here, all the way back in 2016 if you're keeping score, I would have benefited from a little research before my arrival. Who knows: had I known some of Montrose's particular quirks before my arrival, I might've saved myself some minor embarrassment.

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Consider this a helpful gift to the next person moving to Montrose. Here are some of the rules for living here that no one ever tells you, but could save you a lot of embarrassment if you know them before you get here.

Rule 1: You Must Play Outside

I've mentioned this before, but there are a dearth of places in Montrose that cater to the whims of those of us who wish to remain indoors for our recreation. Basically, what Montrose lacks in comic books and video games, it makes up for with outdoor activity in a big way. If you want to make it in Montrose, you'd better be willing to get outside at least once a year, for appearance's sake.

Rule 2: Always Have a Story

Despite the reputation Montrose enjoys in some circles, folks here really are quite nice. Nowhere is that more apparent than when you shop just about anywhere in town, as you'll no doubt wind up in pleasant conversation with a cashier or two before you head home. You'll need to be able to hold up your end of the conversation, so make sure you've got a story at your disposal, or a little anecdote that you can fire off from memory.

Rule 3: The San Juan Bypass is Your Friend

This is another one I've touched on before, but it bears repeating, over and over until the end of time. No matter what, if you're driving in Montrose, you do not want to be on Townsend. One of the best ways to avoid it is the San Juan Bypass, so learn where it is, and remember it as soon as is humanly possible. The time you'll save in traffic will be worth it.

Rule 4: DO NOT Ask Where 'RedHawks' Came From

This is the one that will save you the most trouble, knowing before you get here. Montrose loves their high school football team, the Montrose RedHawks, but there was quite a bit of controversy surrounding that name. Or, rather, the team's previous name. Since we're all mostly over it by now, save yourself the aggravation and just don't ask about it. Literally everyone will thank you for it.

Rule 5: If You Come Here Single, Someone Will Lock it Down

When I moved here in 2016, I was single and told that I would be married within the next 3 years. That is almost exactly what happened, as I got married in 2019. Now, while I technically met my wife in Grand Junction, it never fails: the singles in Montrose smell new fish in town, then scramble all over each other to catch it. So, if you're coming here single, be aware that anyone you date will be trying very hard to keep you. Every. Single. Time.