Happy New Year!

2023 is finally here, so as always, the time has come for people to tell you all about the resolutions they've made for the New Year. Whether you asked them to or not, once you return to work after the first (if you were lucky enough to even get the day off), there's always that coworker who can't wait to tell you their list of how they're going to be a better person this year. Honestly, it can be a little grating.

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I'm not much for making resolutions, myself, but having previously been referred to as an "odd duck," I've always thought the issue was with me. However, as I've gotten older, I've come across more and more people my age who roll their eyes when the topic comes up, so maybe it wasn't me. Either way, this list is for you: the people who would rather spend their time doing almost literally anything other than starting the year off with a checklist. Granted, I have technically started my year off with a list of things to do, but that's what I get paid for, so it works out.

Sponge cake with strawberries and vanilla cream. Strawberry Fraisier cake
Mariia Kozub

Make a Cake

Who doesn't love cake? It's delicious, and frequently fluffy, and making them is a much better use of your time than making plans for the year. Even if it turns out to be a lie, the cake is the commonly accepted answer to a lot of what ails you, provided what ails you isn't a medical issue that could be exacerbated by a cake. To be clear, I do not recommend cake as a remedy for most medical issues. Like being hungry.

retro cassette tape over a white background

Make a Mix-Tape

I know tapes are about 30 years past their relevancy, but the popularity of Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy has brought them back into my mind, as I'm sure it has for anyone who was born long enough ago to have ever enjoyed a good cassette tape. Go ahead and substitute this with CDs (if you even still buy those), or a playlist or whatever new way of experiencing music is hot with the youths when you read this. Bottom line: getting the exact track placement for the perfect mix is a much better use of your time than making plans.

dollar denominations with fine coins

Make Money

Easier said than done, right? I know, just saying "make money" comes off a little insensitive to the plight of the working man, but I don't mean it as a cynical dig. Quite the opposite, as a matter of fact. I'd like to encourage people to work hard, to build a base from which they can, hopefully, retire and enjoy their golden years. That's the American Dream, isn't it?

Then again, this entry is called "Make Money," not "Save Money." If you'd rather work hard and play hard, and drain your bank account for a good time every other weekend, well that's ok too! I don't judge. My robe isn't the right color.

Little boy is crying - selective focus

Make a Baby

Yes, babies are loud, frequently smelly, and take up all of your time. These are all true statements. However, babies are also the only thing that could make you willingly give up your hearing, time, and ability to live in a home that doesn't smell like dookie for three or more years. Your child is the light of your life and makes all the hard times worthwhile just by looking at you, their eyes full of innocence and wonder.

That's not what we're talking about, though. No, we're talking about actually making babies, because let's be honest: nine times out of ten, that's a much better use of your time than making any kind of list.


Make a T-Shirt

The internet is truly a wonderful place. Not only do we have the whole of human history at our fingertips, but advances in high-speed internet have also made it easier than ever to find just about any piece of merchandise you can think of to show your love for your favorite franchises.

Since the best way to show your love for a brand has always been, and likely will always be, the t-shirt, it's no surprise that the internet's advances have also led to custom t-shirts at basement prices. This entry could also cover sewing one's own t-shirt if you have that kind of time, I suppose.


Make Your Parents Proud

This is easily the hardest thing to make on this list, depending on your personal relationship with your parents. Then again, this could also be the easiest thing on this list, as good parents know that they're always proud of their kids, so long as they do right and give their best effort. Either way, parental love and the showing of the same is a much better way to use your time than making boring old resolutions. You probably won't make it halfway down that list, anyway.

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