Why You Shouldn’t Move to Montrose Colorado

No matter how much you like a place, there's always at least one thing about it that you wish wasn't there. Montrose, Colorado is no different. In fact, some might say there are a number of things about Montrose to dislike. You may recall, as we've spoken of this before.

Whether you live in Montrose or on the Western Slope in general, you've no doubt heard some things about the town that paint a potentially unflattering portrait. Personally, I happen to think a lot of the criticisms of Montrose are a little overblown. Sure, there are plenty of jerks in town, but do you really want me to get started on Grand Junction's over-inflated city ego? Trust me, you don't want to have that argument, and I love Grand Junction, by the way. I met my wife there.

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Instead of arguing for Montrose, though, today we're going to lean into the criticism. We've thought up some reasons why Montrose would actually be a terrible place to live. Now, while we will mention some legitimate issues that plague our town, remember that this is all in fun and not to be taken too seriously. Then again, you're always welcome to let us know how you feel on our mobile app. Let's just try to keep it civil, mmmkay? These are just jokes, people.

If you can think of any of your own ideas to warn people off of Montrose, let us know in the comments and on our socials. This list is fairly fluid, so we'll continue to update it as we go. Just be nice!

Let's begin:

1. It's Too Expensive

You need money to live, nowhere more so than in Montrose. I mean, it's not like they have places like Habitat for Humanity to help people or anything like that. Nope, just rich people spending lots of money on caviar and boats. I think that's what rich people buy.

2. The People are Rude and Elitist

With all those wealthy people running around, their boots firmly on the neck of the poor, Montrose is not afraid to let you know that you're not welcome. Not like in Grand Junction, where everybody is welcome. Unless you live in Clifton, of course.

3. It's Riddled with Crime

Yes, my friends, there is an epidemic of crime on the streets of Montrose right now, the likes of which have not been seen since New York City in the 1980s. At least, that's what I heard from my one friend, Mark. He also told me that things are so bad in Montrose that there's a guy running the streets at night, catching burglars while dressed like some variation of rodents. I think he said it was a pigeon.

4. Literally Everyone is on Drugs

Drugs are a major problem across the country, but if you hear people talk about it online, it sounds like Montrose has it worse than Skid Row. Walk down Main Street, and all you see are people tweaking their medicine to get through the day.

5. There's Literally Nothing for Kids to Do, Which is Why They're Especially on Drugs

Yep, the kids aren't doing anything but hanging out after school, smoking the reefums, and taking those marijuana pills, all the live-long day. Nobody plays football, there's no chess club to speak of... I mean, are there even any books in Montrose? Disgraceful.